watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
