he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
