I haven't been this sober since birth.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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