go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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