It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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