What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Text me some of your sweat
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
