We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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