dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
