Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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