took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
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We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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