I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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