You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
