ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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