Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
