I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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