My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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