Can i not drive my cunt home
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
