Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
this beer tastes like vomit already
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
