i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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