I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
