I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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