Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
