You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Drunk is not a location!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
