Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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