Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
