my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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