I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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