You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
