Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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