glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
