kristin has been a bad kristin
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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