i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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