He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
