Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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