so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
