But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I wish I only lived at night.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
