Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
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