i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I think people are normalizing furries
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
