It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
