he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
