I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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