Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
