Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
