return my video game
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
