I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
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he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
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Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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