I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize