true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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