I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
