You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
