It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you would pick up someone in the library
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
