I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
