Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
