I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize