At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
