If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
