I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
