If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
