Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
