just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
