I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
