Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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