what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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