Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
