She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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