The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
