i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize