They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
