I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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