I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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