I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
well you can't waste a boner
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
