Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
