Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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