I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Randomize
