dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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