yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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