No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
