Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
