He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
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I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
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I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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