im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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