Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
